- May 7, 94'
- LA, California
- Filipino Pride
- Guitar, Piano, Uke
- I like to sing but you won't like to hear it
- CSULB: Class of 2016
- Film Major; Editing
- Trying to belong.
- Lost and alone.
“VI. He never broke my heart. He only turned it into a compass that always points me back to him.”
Clementine von Radics, In Defense of Loving Him (after Megan Falley)
That's a really good way to describe it, like being the last person on earth. I understand, and that paradox of wanting a relationship but knowing it probably won't fix it is so frustrating. I'm really just sorry and I wish I could do something to help. (Sorry if it's annoying to have to publish these--I forgot that asking anonymously made you do that.)
Haha, I don’t mind, if people get annoyed go ahead the unfollow button was there for a reason haha…
Idk, I just feel like I’ve given up somewhere down the road, between January 2012 and now.
Today I live like an echo. Just whatever remained after my life dwindled it’s last shine. To me I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Life became systematic. Wake up, bathroom, eat, do nothing important for 10 hours, sleep again. I’ve told myself time and time again to look for a motivation, but I’ve become so pessimistic I’ve begun simply giving up on everything. I see so much negative in the world now and I really hate myself for it. I’m trying to change so bad…
I also realize that I’m probably depressing myself right now by writing like this and thinking about it too much haha…
I’m a lovedrunk on withdrawal and I need a fix -______-
That sounds pretty cool actually LOL.
We don't really know each other, but I saw your post and I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. I know those feelings and they're awful. Awful doesn't even cover it. Sometimes it seems like all you can do is keep going until maybe you feel less lonely--and that day can come, even if it's temporary or not set in stone, but I know it's hard to think that way when you feel so low. I can't give you a solution so I 'll just give you an internet hug instead. *hugs*
It makes me sad that you know these feelings… I’m at the point where this lonely feeling has almost become a part of me. I’ve ended up trying to remain distant because every time I’ve tried to open up, one by one they go.
Imagine being the last human in the world and finally seeing another person after years, just to watch them walk, and just keep walking faster than you. You can’t run up to them. I’m chasing company, chasing something that would make me feel like I belong somewhere or something to take my mind off of all of this, but there is nothing within my vision, at least.
I hate this because to me the logical way of dealing with this is so selfish and that’s not like me, I give my all to others in their times of need but I feel like the rest of the world couldn’t give two shits about me. Sure there are my best friends to vent to but I just don’t feel like anyone really cares, no matter how much anyone tries to convince me. I’m stubborn like that.
But to me the logical way of dealing with this feeling of being lonely is to fight it with wanting company. Wishing so hard for someone to be there. I feel like a girlfriend for example would fix me because then I’d have a motivation again, I’d have a reason to look forward to the future every morning, I’d have something to care about again, someone to engage me in not only my life but in their own.
But that’s just so stupid, I have a messed thought about what a relationship is. It’s not to fix yourself, that’s just using them as a distraction. It’s so much more.
I don’t know how to fix me, I’ve tried doing other things, but in the end I don’t think I can fix myself. But I don’t want to rely on someone to fix me.
And thanks for the huggggg…
I need to learn not to care, last time I have a shit it bit me in the ass. I’m lost in a futile struggle with my own emotions, why the hell do I think I can afford to be sympathetic and take care of others.
Oh right, because its my only get away, my only distraction, my only way of coping with myself. The only way I see my life worth living is helping others realize their lives are worth living. Well then what the hell is my life…
I just hate being alone at times like this. Don’t get me wrong, I have all these people I can talk to, but I can’t help but feel alone. In better terms, I can handle being alone, I hate “feeling” lonely.
And that one word would describe me perfectly. Lonely.